Not all lawyers chase justice; some chase clout. Before you pick your legal team, here’s how to spot if your counsel is actually just auditioning for reality TV.
1- Their Headshot Looks Like It Was Taken at Coachella 📸
If your lawyer’s profile pic has golden-hour lighting, a ring light sparkle in their eyes, and a background that’s suspiciously not their office, you’re not at a firm, you’re at a photoshoot.
2- They Post More Reels Than Court Filings 🎬
If your attorney spends more time on “Day in the Life” TikToks than actual depositions, and you’ve learned more about their skincare routine than your case, you may want to ask how many hours are billable to “content creation.”
3- You Know Their Starbucks Order, Pet’s Name, and Favorite Quote (But Not Your Case Status) 🐾☕️
Scroll back three days and you’ll see: gym selfies, matcha runs, and inspirational captions like, “Grind now, shine later.” Scroll six days… and you still don’t have an update about your settlement.
4- Their Client Gifts Include Merch With Their Own Slogan 🧢
You were expecting a folder or a mug. You got a hat emblazoned with “#LawyerBae” or a tote that says, “SLAY WITH ATTORNEY JAY.” If your legal swag looks better on Instagram than it does in mediation, you’ve found yourself an influencer; just don’t expect them to actually call you back.
5- The Comments Section is Thirstier Than Florida in August 🥵
Check any of their posts and you’ll find the same cast of regulars: “You’re the reason I believe in justice 😍,” “Objection, Your Honor! 😤 Too handsome!” and “🥹 If I slip, will you catch my fall?”
If their reels have more heart-eyes than actual legal advice, and you’re low-key considering blocking their “top fan” just for your sanity, you’re not at a deposition; you’re at an audition for The Bachelor: Esquire Edition.
Pro Tip:
If your lawyer’s out-of-office reply is, “Currently at a brand collab retreat, will respond to emails when the lighting is better,” consider hiring someone who thinks TikTok is still a clock.