8 Things That Will No Longer Interest You After Your Personal Injury 🥱

There’s life before your accident, and life after. Pre-injury, you were brunching and hiking. Post-injury? Let’s just say your idea of a wild night is getting out the good ice pack and watching a Two and a Half Men marathon. Here’s what’s officially canceled:

1- “Inspirational” Fitness Influencers 🏋🏽‍♀️

You used to save squats and plank routines. Now, if one more #NoDaysOff reel pops up, you might report it as spam.

2- Weekend Brunch Plans With More Than Three People… Ok, Weekend Brunch Plans In General 🥞

If you can’t bring your lumbar pillow and pick the chair, you’re not coming. “Bottomless mimosas” now means bottomless muscle spasms.

3- Spontaneous Road Trips 🚗

“Let’s just see where the day takes us!” The day will take you and your spine to the orthopedic surgeon.

4- Group Chats That Don’t Acknowledge Your Pain 😤

Yes, it’s all about you and your pain now, and if your friends aren’t at least asking how your back/leg/neck is before the gossip, exit the chat.

5- Sales on Cute (But Painful) Shoes 👠

You see stilettos, you see regret. Your orthopedist would sooner forgive you for murder than another fall.

6- Waiting in Long Lines for Anything ⏳

Standing in line for 40 minutes to buy concert tickets? You’ll just stream it, thanks.

7- Flirting With “Active” Types on Dating Apps 💪🏽

If his profile says “Love hiking!” or “Daily runner,” that’s an automatic left swipe. Find a guy who says, “Can sit still for long periods.”

8- Anyone’s “Tips for a Better Night’s Sleep” 😴

Peaceful sleep? What is that? Melatonin? That’s for beginners. No one understands nerve pain at 3am.

Pro Tip:

If the plan doesn’t include parking close and leaving early, it’s a no for you.