If you want your attorney to actually respond (and not screenshot your texts for insurance purposes), avoid sending any of these examples. You’ve been warned.
1- “Hey, just checking in!” 👀
It’s been five minutes since your last update. If there’s news, you’ll hear it.
2- “Any updates?” 🦗
See above. You sent this yesterday. And the day before. And the day before that. And on his birthday.
3- “Sorry to bother you.” 🙃
You’re about to bother her. Just say what you need; skip the fake apology.
4- Are you sure that’s the law?” 🧐
Please, by all means, challenge the JD you’re paying for.
5- “Here’s a TikTok I found about slip-and-falls!” 📱
If TikTok is your primary legal resource, you need more than a new lawyer.
6- “So I Googled…” 🕵️♀️
Nothing makes a lawyer want to delete your number faster than hearing Google, Esq. advice.
7- “I know it’s late but…”🌙
If it’s after 6pm and not an emergency, put down the phone and pick up a hobby. Or a glass of wine.
8- “Why is this taking so long?” ⏳
This is a lawsuit, not a DoorDash order.
9- “What’s your Venmo?” 💸
Absolutely not. Settlements don’t come through Cash App.
10- “My ex said his lawyer got him more money.” 🥴
Tell your ex “congrats” and leave your lawyer out of it.
11- “Can I call you real quick?” 📱
Translation: I want to talk for 47 minutes and ugly cry for 22 of those minutes.
12- “Let’s meet up for coffee to discuss (at 6am/9pm/your house).” ☕️
Coffee is not code for legal strategy session, especially if you add a winky face.
Pro Tip:
Keep your texts clear, respectful, and to the point. Save the life stories for your therapist, the memes for your friends, and the TikToks for people who aren’t billing you by the hour.