We get it: court isn’t (always) a fashion show, but you don’t want to be the, “Did you see what they were wearing?” story, either. Here are 8 choices that will have the judge judging you and the jury rapidly blinking for all of the wrong reasons:
1- Clubwear 👠
If you look ready for bottle service, go home and change. Glitter, mesh, and plunging necklines… you’re going to regret it when the insurance defense takes notes.
2- Anything Too Glamorous 💃
If you look like you’re ready for a Real Housewives confessional, dial it back. Sequins, a full face of makeup, and six-inch heels will have the jurors wondering, “How injured could she be?”
3- Heavy Fragrance/Cologne 🌺
Because nothing says, “How can I make sure everyone in the courtroom hates me?” like a cloud of Chanel. Keep it light; jurors have noses too.
4- Offensive or Political Statements 🚫
This is not the time to make a statement. Leave the “Make (Anything) Great Again” hat and “Free Britney” crop top at home.
5- Your Post-Op Pajamas 🛌
We know you’re in pain, but please upgrade from the SpongeBob pajamas and UGG slippers for court day.
6- Excessively Tight Clothing 💪
Yes, we can see your curves. Yes, we know you lift weights when you’re bored. However, you want respect, not an invitation to flex. Skintight clothing is not for the courtroom.
7- Loud Logos or Expensive Brands 💸
If you’re head-to-toe in Gucci (real or fake), don’t expect sympathy for your medical bills. Leave the Hollywood vibes to your lawyer.
8- Graphic Tees 👚
I promise you: no one cares about the name of your favorite band, or the fact that you consider yourself to be the “#1 Hustler.” Don’t give the other side a chance to chip away at your credibility.
Pro Tip:
When in doubt, go for “invisible.” If no one remembers what you wore, you did it right.