It’s Florida. That’s the intro.
1- The Attorney Shows Up in Golf Attire ⛳️
“I promise this is business casual. Can we wrap by 11:30? I’ve got a tee time at Doral.”
2- Unpredictable (Yet Predictable) Weather ⛈️
At 11:30am it is sunshine and chirping birds. At 12:02pm the lights flicker, the room goes dark, and the WiFi drops while everyone waits out the hurricane-force downpour.
3- Two “Real Floridians” Discover Each Other and the Deposition Turns Into a State Pride-Off 🦩
The videographer and a party realize they were both born and raised in Florida (a true rarity). Suddenly, they have thicker accents and it’s a flurry of, “Which high school did you go to?” and “How long did y’all lose power during Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne?”
4- Someone’s Late Because They Had to Bail Out a Family Member ⏰
“Sorry, I know we were supposed to start at 9, but my brother called from county and you can’t just leave family hanging. Plus I used to date the bondsman’s sister so we got a discount.”
5- A Fight Breaks Out Over Publix Subs 🥪
You haven’t seen chaos until lawyers are arguing over the last chicken tender “Pub Sub.” It’s the only time everyone is on the same page.
6- Alligator Crossing Caught on Ring Cam During Testimony 🐊
“Sorry guys, can I go on mute? There’s a gator in my driveway again. I called the Alligator Hotline about this last week, they told me they took care of it! Hold, please.”
7- A Court Reporter Wears Sunglasses Because the Conference Room is “Too Bright” 🕶️
She’s not fooling anyone. Everyone knows she’s still hungover from drinking around the world at Epcot.
8- “Can You Speak Louder? There’s a Leaf Blower Outside” 🍃
The leaf blower never stops. It’s Florida. Lawns never rest, leaf blowers never die. It’s always leaf-blowing season.
9- The Official Transcript Includes “Y’all,” “Honey,” “Bless Your Heart,” and “Did I Tell You I’m from New York?” 📑
Because no one is more vocal than a Southerner, and no one wants you to know where they’re from more than a New Yorker.
10- Someone Has to Leave Early for a Hurricane Prep Run 🌀
“Winn-Dixie is already out of water and batteries, I’m not risking this.”
11- Someone Jumps on the Zoom Call Wearing a Miami Dolphins Jersey (and No One Says a Word) 🐬
He’s distracted for most of the deposition because he keeps checking his fantasy football stats.
12- Someone Asks If the Law Firm Can “Validate” Their SunPass Toll 🚗
“Sorry I’m late, I hit the Turnpike and didn’t realize the toll went up again. Does the firm validate SunPass? No? Guess that’s another ‘Notice of Toll Violation’ in my mailbox.”
Pro Tip:
Show up early and have a backup WiFi plan. A Florida deposition will run long, get loud, and may end with someone inviting you to their hurricane party.