If you’ve ever hired an attorney, you know the legal profession is full of big personalities, bizarre quirks, and plenty of drama behind the scenes. From billboard superstars to ghostly vanishing acts, here are 10 types of lawyers you’ll meet on your legal journey (and why you’ll never forget them):
1- The Billboard Celebrity 📸
He’s on every bus bench, billboard, and late-night TV slot. Don’t worry, he’ll mention his million-dollar verdict before you even finish saying “auto accident.”
2- The Country Club Litigator ⛳️
He sleeps in golf polos, has tan lines even in the dead of winter, and always has the faint smell of SPF 50. If he’s not at the courthouse, he’s on the back nine, swapping case gossip with judges.
3- The “I’ll Fight For You!” Screamer 📢
Her volume is always at 11. Even her text messages are in ALL CAPS. She hires legal assistants just so someone will listen.
4- The New York Transfer 🍎
He can’t stop referencing “Back in Brooklyn.” He wears three-piece suits in August, hates flip-flops, and thinks bagels are a legal right.
5- The Mom Friend 🍪
She has tissues, Band-Aids and store brand peppermints in her purse. She reminds you to hydrate, and asks about your family. Whenever you mention dating apps she always has a horror story… that she conveniently heard from a friend of a friend.
6- The Overworked Associate ☕️
He has dark circles, splashes Red Bull in his coffee, and constantly mutters about “billables.” If you ask for a status update, expect a novella at 2 a.m.
7- The Wannabe Viral King 🤳
He knows his best angles and even yours. He has a ring light in his work and home office, and if you’re lucky, you might end up in a Reel about “client wins.”
8- The “Every Client Is Family” Guy 🫂
He ends every call with “God bless.” He might add you to his family group chat and periodically he tries to convert you to Christianity.
9- The Shark in Designer Shoes 🦈
He never has a hair out of place. His shoes alone cost more than any outfit you’ve ever worn. He will out-negotiate your elderly neighbor and shrug about it, and yet you still blush when you see him.
10- The Ghost 👻
She signed your paperwork, and then vanished into thin air. She exists only as a signature and a rumor in the office group chat.
Pro Tip:
That “I treat every client like family” energy is cute… until you remember every family has an aunt you wouldn’t trust with your mailbox key.